First, spend some dedicated time just consciously feeling your body. See if you can feel what it is about being this body that’s uncomfortable. What it is you don’t like about being you?
After that, here are a few questions I’d like you to contemplate: What do you feel about yourself?
Do you like yourself or love yourself?
Do you dislike yourself or hate yourself? Why?
And, how willing or committed are you to being yourself as fully as possible?
It will be important to take time with this contemplation. I hope you’ll make some notes in your journal.
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I have spent quite a bit of time over the years feeling my body, or parts of it. I am not aware of uncomfortable feelings in the body per se. From time to time, of course, I have certainly felt unpleasant emotional feelings in the heart or pit of the stomach.
I suppose I have a love-hate relationship with myself. I am definitely inhibited, afraid to express myself publicly in a bodily way, such as dancing. To even think about dancing in front of other people, or even with other people, makes me uncomfortable. Yet privately, if no one is looking, I enjoy moving my body to music.
On the positive side, I do enjoy my own company, enjoy being alone with myself in a quiet sort of way. However, feelings of self-loathing are far stronger than feelings of self-liking or self love. Unpleasant memories, times when I have been exposed as stupid or clueless or whatever, especially with regard to sex, can send me into paroxysms of self hate and rejection of life. "I hate life" is a phrase that is very familiar to me in my inner life.
How committed am I to being myself as fully as possible? Not sure. Before I had heard of WD and the possibility of awakening, I was satisfied with my life. I certainly jumped at the chance of awakening to consciousness, but I'm not sure how much pain I am willing to endure in the process. I can always quit, I suppose, if it gets to be too much.
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