August 6, 2015
It has been more than a year since I last posted to this blog. In the meantime, I had my second birth confirmed by Sandra Glickman. Today I spoke with Ted Strauss. Among other things he suggested I be pro-active regarding integration of SB with my life and conditioning. This is a better approach than just letting it happen, which can be jarring and uncomfortable. Ted wanted me to continually reflect on what stands in the way of my relating to other people. He suggested that I keep a journal on this. I woke up at 2 am, as I often do and meditated, which sometimes helps me fall asleep again. During the meditation I felt subtly big, huge, with no obvious boundaries. Not physically, but as a sort of aura around me. I acknowledged and owned this feeling. Yes, that's me. Then I realized that this bigness is none other than the world around me, and that this feeling of sameness with the physical world around me induced that subtle sense of fundamental well being that I have often experienced before. In fact I can pretty much relax into it anytime I am quiet. The heart sutra came to mind Emptiness is Form--Form is emptiness. Emptiness, of course, is the Buddhist way of expressing Being, or Consciousness.
But the point of all this was to explore what stands in the way of relating to other people, and also myself. I didn't come up with much. Marcia gets annoyed when I am too mercurial, or to quick for her. This especially happens when we are at the computer together. I think this is more a personality difference, and not something wrong. I could handle it better, to be sure, but I don't think this sort of personality difference is what Ted is referring to.
I did not fall asleep after meditating, and after lying there for awhile I got up and started this journal.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Lesson 9 homework
To understand the principle of penetrating more deeply, let’s try a little exercise right now. You might want to make notes in your journal during this section. Ask yourself the question “What is one thing I avoid seeing about myself?”
- Pause for contemplation -
My immediate answer is: myself. Or, my Self. However, the word "avoid" isn't quite right, as that implies a shunning from something uncomfortable. For me, the Self is a goal, not something I want to avoid. So, I'm a bit puzzled by the question. I don't know the answer. I'm not aware right now of my "dark side", the part of me that I don't want to see (but I don't doubt is there).
OK, welcome back. I hope you stayed with that question long enough to discover that the mere fact of thinking it necessarily brings up discomfort. This is inevitable, because the very reason we avoid seeing things about ourselves is because doing so makes us uncomfortable. So that brings us to the next question I’d like you to contemplate, which is “What is the nature of the discomfort I feel when I look to see what I’m avoiding about myself?” Pause the video while you consider this.
- Pause for contemplation -
Well, I'm plenty familiar with the feeling of discomfort with myself... self loathing... even though it is not particularly triggered by the immediate question. In fact, I've asked this question of myself many times over the years.
OK, thanks for doing that. Now, whatever you came to about the nature of your discomfort, let’s consider one last question. Ask yourself “What is my relationship to that uncomfortable feeling?” Pause the video while you investigate this.
- Pause for contemplation -
The immediate answer that comes to mind is: I am that feeling, in part.
OK, hopefully you were able to stay present long enough with that question to see a little deeper into the nature of your relationship to discomfort. So why was this exercise important? Because you need to see for yourself that the reason it’s difficult to penetrate appearances and get to the heart of things is because doing so makes you feel uncomfortable. It requires your willingness to take time, to be patient with your discomfort, and to stick with the investigation until you succeed in finding what you’re looking for. To the degree you run from life’s discomforts, you will be unable to penetrate her secrets, including the mysteries of your own existence.
--------
To take this lesson a little deeper, feel into which of these aspects inspired you the most: Doing
Investigating
Thinking
Giving
Daring
Taking a stand for yourself
Persevering
Whichever theme catalyzed something in you, take some time to do some journaling about what that brought up for you
- Pause for contemplation -
My immediate answer is: myself. Or, my Self. However, the word "avoid" isn't quite right, as that implies a shunning from something uncomfortable. For me, the Self is a goal, not something I want to avoid. So, I'm a bit puzzled by the question. I don't know the answer. I'm not aware right now of my "dark side", the part of me that I don't want to see (but I don't doubt is there).
OK, welcome back. I hope you stayed with that question long enough to discover that the mere fact of thinking it necessarily brings up discomfort. This is inevitable, because the very reason we avoid seeing things about ourselves is because doing so makes us uncomfortable. So that brings us to the next question I’d like you to contemplate, which is “What is the nature of the discomfort I feel when I look to see what I’m avoiding about myself?” Pause the video while you consider this.
- Pause for contemplation -
Well, I'm plenty familiar with the feeling of discomfort with myself... self loathing... even though it is not particularly triggered by the immediate question. In fact, I've asked this question of myself many times over the years.
OK, thanks for doing that. Now, whatever you came to about the nature of your discomfort, let’s consider one last question. Ask yourself “What is my relationship to that uncomfortable feeling?” Pause the video while you investigate this.
- Pause for contemplation -
The immediate answer that comes to mind is: I am that feeling, in part.
OK, hopefully you were able to stay present long enough with that question to see a little deeper into the nature of your relationship to discomfort. So why was this exercise important? Because you need to see for yourself that the reason it’s difficult to penetrate appearances and get to the heart of things is because doing so makes you feel uncomfortable. It requires your willingness to take time, to be patient with your discomfort, and to stick with the investigation until you succeed in finding what you’re looking for. To the degree you run from life’s discomforts, you will be unable to penetrate her secrets, including the mysteries of your own existence.
--------
To take this lesson a little deeper, feel into which of these aspects inspired you the most: Doing
Investigating
Thinking
Giving
Daring
Taking a stand for yourself
Persevering
Whichever theme catalyzed something in you, take some time to do some journaling about what that brought up for you
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