August 6, 2015

It has been more than a year since I last posted to this blog. In the meantime, I had my second birth confirmed by Sandra Glickman. Today I spoke with Ted Strauss. Among other things he suggested I be pro-active regarding integration of SB with my life and conditioning. This is a better approach than just letting it happen, which can be jarring and uncomfortable. Ted wanted me to continually reflect on what stands in the way of my relating to other people. He suggested that I keep a journal on this. I woke up at 2 am, as I often do and meditated, which sometimes helps me fall asleep again. During the meditation I felt subtly big, huge, with no obvious boundaries. Not physically, but as a sort of aura around me. I acknowledged and owned this feeling. Yes, that's me. Then I realized that this bigness is none other than the world around me, and that this feeling of sameness with the physical world around me induced that subtle sense of fundamental well being that I have often experienced before. In fact I can pretty much relax into it anytime I am quiet. The heart sutra came to mind Emptiness is Form--Form is emptiness. Emptiness, of course, is the Buddhist way of expressing Being, or Consciousness.

But the point of all this was to explore what stands in the way of relating to other people, and also myself. I didn't come up with much. Marcia gets annoyed when I am too mercurial, or to quick for her. This especially happens when we are at the computer together. I think this is more a personality difference, and not something wrong. I could handle it better, to be sure, but I don't think this sort of personality difference is what Ted is referring to.

I did not fall asleep after meditating, and after lying there for awhile I got up and started this journal.